• Nicka

Monday? Again??

Even though I declared this to be a three day weekend, it somehow became Monday at the blink of an eye. Yes, we know, Monday comes around every week, but 2 days (in general) is not enough time to be completely rested, engage in fun, socialise, clean, run errands and all the rest; even though some of us are working from home, it still doesn’t feel like enough time.

I struggle a lot with time keeping, sticking to a script, to do lists and starting and finishing tasks and I didn’t get what I planned to do this weekend, done. Whenever I don’t get what I want done, I tend to beat myself up because I know that Mon-Fri, I will keep pushing it to the next day; and that is literally what I have done for the past few weeks.

Living alone brings many challenges for me, I find it extremely overwhelming having to do everything by myself and the things that I used to enjoy, baking and cleaning become a literal chore. I find myself panicking or becoming anxious when it comes to starting a task and so I don't think about it, I just randomly stop scrolling my phone or watching whatever on my ipad and get up and go. I also put a lot of pressure on myself to do things and end up talking myself of it, I often lack motivation and tasks become overwhelming, like washing the dishes for example. I feel like if you do not wash one teaspoon, they multiple like gremlins. I honestly struggle both mentally and physically with this household chore. I suffer with chronic pain and can only stand up for so long sometimes, so I don't always finish cleaning the entire sink and then I use more and so on and so forth; this leaves me with so much dread and angst, it's a never ending cycle.

With the dishes being continuous I struggle with other chores too, like cooking for example. Cooking is tricky for me because I learnt how to cook as an adult, which is no biggie (and I cook really well, if I do say so myself) however, my relationship with food has been a tumultuous one and it started from when I was a child. My mother didn't always provide me with healthy nutritious meals and I often went without; on top of that I was always called fat and lazy so my self esteem was extremely low and I would punish myself (as a form of self harm) by starving myself. So when I moved into my own home, I made a pact with myself that I would never do that again and that I will challenge my thoughts and make sure that I eat when I am hungry, I would just have to find a new outlet for my emotions.

So when the days where I do not have the energy, motivation or I am just in physical pain and I just can not cook, come, it becomes very very hard. I do my best to eat whether that be oven food or take away but those aren't always options unfortunately. I am however proud at my efforts, I refuse to give in and the days where I do fall short, I soothe myself and tell myself that "I did the best that I could, that day"

Today was one of those where I found the energy and cooked and baked, I enjoyed baking as a little girl, it was one of the few activities my mum engaged in, with me and it was also one of my late aunt's favourite hobbies too; it's a family thing to be honest and we all seem to be very good at it.

I feel like I cooked up a storm today! I experimented and had fun! So hence the blog post! I wanted to share with you all what I made.

I made plain rice, with sag paneer (my absolute favourite) I also made some greens: broccoli, green beans and brussel sprouts which I ate with some rice for my late lunch and I also made apple crumble and custard, both from scratch for my pudding after dinner.

I am so very proud of the food that I made today, especially the apple crumble and custard, they tasted delicious! I literally freehand most things, but I will quickly tell you how I made the crumble and custard.

Apple Crumble Ingredients:

Bramble apples

Spices- Cinnamon, Mixed Spice, Nutmeg

Brown Sugar

Lemon Juice

Plain Flour


Custard Ingredients:


Vanilla Essence

Condensed Milk

Spices- Cinnamon, Mixed Spice, Nutmeg

Brown Sugar

2 egg yolks (Room Temperature)

Corn Flour

To make the crumble: place about two cups of flour in a bowl and two slices of cubed butter, which is about 25g (I use the butter in the foil for this) and rub together until it looks like breadcrumbs and it is evenly distributed. You can add more butter if it isn't enough.

For the apple: In a pan sprinkle roughly a tablespoon of brown sugar and put it on a low-medium heat. Peel and chop the apples into chunks (today I used 3 medium to large apples), and add them to the pan, whilst covering the apple with lemon juice to stop them from going brown.When you have chopped them all up, turn the heat up and throw about a teaspoon of the 3 spices into the pan, once it begins to cook, turn it off, put the lid on and leave it for a few minutes. After 3-4 minutes take the pan off the heat and leave to cool.

Add about a tablespoon of brown sugar to the crumble mix and mix together, you can add more or less, depending on your preference.

Once the apple has cooled, place it in the bottom of a tin or glass dish and layer the crumble on top, I added more brown sugar as I didn't put enough in it this time. Cook in the oven for about 35-40 mins at 180c.

You can check if it has cooked by sticking a knife into it and if the crumble is still white and fine in the middle, leave it a little while longer.

For the custard: I separated two yolks in a measuring cup and left them to get to room temperature as they were in the fridge, whisked them with a tablespoon of sugar and 3/4 tablespoon of corn flour. I also added a teaspoon of each: nutmeg, cinnamon and mixed spice.

I put about 2 1/2 cups of milk and about a tablespoon of vanilla essence to warm up and when it was warm not boiling and I added it to the mixture in the measuring cup and stirred well so that it all came together, then put it back onto the fire. It wasn't sweet enough for me, so I added a teaspoon of condensed milk, you can add sugar or agave syrup if you want. I whisked it to it came to a boil and served immediately.

I know that this is crap advice if you are a beginner, but google "apple crumble" for ingredients measurements and come back to my fabulous recipe, lol! I hope you enjoyed my piece today, thank you for reading.

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